Finding the Time: Writing my way back
By Katie Decker
As a teacher, I’m always trying to find things. A stack of papers I graded, something to write with, the next cutting-edge strategy to help my students “get it”, the last shred of sanity I misplaced during the last month of school: These are all things that seem to be elusive to me during the school year. One thing I am constantly searching for, no matter the time of year, is time… time to catch up on the many things I neglected over the course of the school year, time to spend with my husband and growing children, time to myself to nurture that spark of sanity… just time.
I began my much-needed summer vacation with a little bubble, frozen in time, where I could focus on both my professional writing and my personal writing that I never seem to have the time for. This was the Denver Writing Project’s Advanced Institute, and it’s not something I would have searched for on my own. It was, however, a chance to find some of that elusive time I could use to write.
Earlier this spring I was fighting the usual cabin fever that’s normal after a long, windy Wyoming winter, but I was also fighting something more sinister. Not yet finished with my second year of teaching, I was fighting with myself and the reasons I was a teacher. I had always heard that the first 2 years are the hardest, and if I could make it through the 5th year as a teacher, I would “make it,” and things would actually get easier, whatever that meant.
The hard things I was dealing with were not unique to my situation. I know other teachers have had the same kinds of struggles, and I found wonderful guidance from my mentor teacher as well as my instructional coach. Occasionally, I would stumble upon some unexpected motivation or praise and be momentarily boosted in my resolve to continue fighting. More often, though, I would feel beaten down by the constant pressures I felt as a new teacher. Some pressures I expected, like the apathetic kids resisting the lessons I wanted them to take away. I couldn’t ever stay mad at the kids—they were the reason I became a teacher, and they were also the reason I wanted a sound proof office where I could vent my frustrations. I also expected to feel strain juggling my responsibilities as a new teacher with my responsibilities as a wife and mother. Will it ever get any easier? I would think to myself. How many years will I have to give up family time to feel prepared for the next day in my classroom?
Some pressures I struggled with were less expected, but I found out they were quite common when I visited with other teachers at the Advanced Institute. Pressures about scores and student performance on standardized tests were at the top of the list for all the teachers. Many times over the course of the week, we discussed the reality of getting kids ready for an endless barrage of testing for the game of school versus teaching them the skills that would make them successful and productive in the game of life. Other stresses I had been struggling with in my own career were also common to my peers at AI, and I realized that strained professional relationships were not uncommon and were also part of the “package deal” of being a new teacher.
All these career-related pressures were bubbling right at the surface when I arrived in Denver for the week-long institute. Since I had traveled to the event alone, I didn’t have any distractions from coworkers or family. I was able to spend my time getting back to writing and digging through the random ramblings that had been churning in my mind. Though I’m not a city girl, I enjoyed the change of scenery, and I wandered around lower downtown Denver each evening and during my afternoon writing time. I found that the chaotic din that surrounded me offered a kind of solitude that I hadn’t experienced lately in my usual serene setting outside of Cheyenne. I found myself sitting at small patio tables outside local cafes and pubs or relaxing in private parks and hideaways, content with observing the bustling crowds around me and letting my writing take me wherever my mind wandered.
Though I really took advantage of my independent writing time, I found myself looking forward to our morning speakers as well as our afternoon discussions. The morning sessions offered me a glimpse into the life of professional writers and gave me an opportunity to try new strategies. They also allowed me to question some of my own classroom practices and consider what changes I could make that would impact student achievement. Often, these morning sessions gave me a direction for my own writing to progress over the course of the afternoon.
Daily discussions with my writing group also supported the writing I was doing as well as my professional growth. Though I was intimidated by the experience and accomplishments of some of the people at the Institute, I was buoyed up by the support we offered each other. I felt like a novice writer when comparing myself to others in my group, but the encouragement and suggestions we gave each other as well as the outlet we had created for declaring our frustrations pushed me to keep writing through the struggle. Without this support, I feel like I would have floundered during the week.
I count myself very fortunate to be part of a school district that places value on professional development, and I’ve been very supported by my administrators to continue growing and learning as a new teacher. Through different conversations with professionals from all over the United States, I know the differences between other states and districts, and I can appreciate the opportunities I am given to attend professional developments like the Advanced Institute. Any training that values teacher input and uses teachers to collaborate with other teachers is worth every bit of time and energy it takes to plan, implement, and participate in.
I don’t know where I will end up as a teacher. I don’t know if I will make it to retirement, or if I will find another profession where I can use my gifts and challenge my beliefs. I do know that this summer’s experience at the Denver Writing Project is one that has reinvigorated my excitement for writing and helped me push through some of my frustrations about teaching. Time may still prove to be an elusive phenomenon in my life. I will still fight to juggle all of these responsibilities until I figure out how to get it all done. I will continue looking for what I need and what my students need, and I may go crazy in the process.
I do know that what I found in myself makes me want to keep writing. And that is enough for now.
By Katie Decker
As a teacher, I’m always trying to find things. A stack of papers I graded, something to write with, the next cutting-edge strategy to help my students “get it”, the last shred of sanity I misplaced during the last month of school: These are all things that seem to be elusive to me during the school year. One thing I am constantly searching for, no matter the time of year, is time… time to catch up on the many things I neglected over the course of the school year, time to spend with my husband and growing children, time to myself to nurture that spark of sanity… just time.
I began my much-needed summer vacation with a little bubble, frozen in time, where I could focus on both my professional writing and my personal writing that I never seem to have the time for. This was the Denver Writing Project’s Advanced Institute, and it’s not something I would have searched for on my own. It was, however, a chance to find some of that elusive time I could use to write.
Earlier this spring I was fighting the usual cabin fever that’s normal after a long, windy Wyoming winter, but I was also fighting something more sinister. Not yet finished with my second year of teaching, I was fighting with myself and the reasons I was a teacher. I had always heard that the first 2 years are the hardest, and if I could make it through the 5th year as a teacher, I would “make it,” and things would actually get easier, whatever that meant.
The hard things I was dealing with were not unique to my situation. I know other teachers have had the same kinds of struggles, and I found wonderful guidance from my mentor teacher as well as my instructional coach. Occasionally, I would stumble upon some unexpected motivation or praise and be momentarily boosted in my resolve to continue fighting. More often, though, I would feel beaten down by the constant pressures I felt as a new teacher. Some pressures I expected, like the apathetic kids resisting the lessons I wanted them to take away. I couldn’t ever stay mad at the kids—they were the reason I became a teacher, and they were also the reason I wanted a sound proof office where I could vent my frustrations. I also expected to feel strain juggling my responsibilities as a new teacher with my responsibilities as a wife and mother. Will it ever get any easier? I would think to myself. How many years will I have to give up family time to feel prepared for the next day in my classroom?
Some pressures I struggled with were less expected, but I found out they were quite common when I visited with other teachers at the Advanced Institute. Pressures about scores and student performance on standardized tests were at the top of the list for all the teachers. Many times over the course of the week, we discussed the reality of getting kids ready for an endless barrage of testing for the game of school versus teaching them the skills that would make them successful and productive in the game of life. Other stresses I had been struggling with in my own career were also common to my peers at AI, and I realized that strained professional relationships were not uncommon and were also part of the “package deal” of being a new teacher.
All these career-related pressures were bubbling right at the surface when I arrived in Denver for the week-long institute. Since I had traveled to the event alone, I didn’t have any distractions from coworkers or family. I was able to spend my time getting back to writing and digging through the random ramblings that had been churning in my mind. Though I’m not a city girl, I enjoyed the change of scenery, and I wandered around lower downtown Denver each evening and during my afternoon writing time. I found that the chaotic din that surrounded me offered a kind of solitude that I hadn’t experienced lately in my usual serene setting outside of Cheyenne. I found myself sitting at small patio tables outside local cafes and pubs or relaxing in private parks and hideaways, content with observing the bustling crowds around me and letting my writing take me wherever my mind wandered.
Though I really took advantage of my independent writing time, I found myself looking forward to our morning speakers as well as our afternoon discussions. The morning sessions offered me a glimpse into the life of professional writers and gave me an opportunity to try new strategies. They also allowed me to question some of my own classroom practices and consider what changes I could make that would impact student achievement. Often, these morning sessions gave me a direction for my own writing to progress over the course of the afternoon.
Daily discussions with my writing group also supported the writing I was doing as well as my professional growth. Though I was intimidated by the experience and accomplishments of some of the people at the Institute, I was buoyed up by the support we offered each other. I felt like a novice writer when comparing myself to others in my group, but the encouragement and suggestions we gave each other as well as the outlet we had created for declaring our frustrations pushed me to keep writing through the struggle. Without this support, I feel like I would have floundered during the week.
I count myself very fortunate to be part of a school district that places value on professional development, and I’ve been very supported by my administrators to continue growing and learning as a new teacher. Through different conversations with professionals from all over the United States, I know the differences between other states and districts, and I can appreciate the opportunities I am given to attend professional developments like the Advanced Institute. Any training that values teacher input and uses teachers to collaborate with other teachers is worth every bit of time and energy it takes to plan, implement, and participate in.
I don’t know where I will end up as a teacher. I don’t know if I will make it to retirement, or if I will find another profession where I can use my gifts and challenge my beliefs. I do know that this summer’s experience at the Denver Writing Project is one that has reinvigorated my excitement for writing and helped me push through some of my frustrations about teaching. Time may still prove to be an elusive phenomenon in my life. I will still fight to juggle all of these responsibilities until I figure out how to get it all done. I will continue looking for what I need and what my students need, and I may go crazy in the process.
I do know that what I found in myself makes me want to keep writing. And that is enough for now.